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Now I get... what I want... Since you've been gone...

Written on: Thursday September 20th, 2007

A journal entry from: Canada 2007

I got slapped on the wrist the other day for not writing for months, so yes I am still alive and am spending today doing all my catching up: here is my update (apologies to those for whom this is repetition...) 
After Darian and I broke up I spent the requisite amount of time feeling sorry for myself and eating ridiculous amounts of ice-cream and contemplating boarding the next available flight back to the UK etc etc.  Then I remembered us Hope girls are made of tougher stuff than that and decided to make the best of things and get on with it. (re last blog post).  
But it?s been hard work.  This time last year everything changed.  Graduating from Uni; moving away from Brighton; discovering the life I knew before it had completely altered; not really knowing 'what next'; missing my boyfriend and the death of my grandmother, all in the space of 3 months (Oct to Dec last year) made me pretty damn miserable.  I went from everything being in control to feeling utterly lost.   I thought that moving here would make everything feel better - that it held some focus for me but instead I was forced to take off my rose tinted specs and deal with the reality of someone who never had my best interests at heart and having to re-imagine all the plans I?d made. 
I'm proud of the way I handled it.  Proud of my ability to walk away from the crappy situation, yet stay here and build a life.  Proud that I proved to myself how capable I am; that I am a good person and I deserve to be happy.   However aside from all the fun I've had, all the good times and good people I've met,  it's been an uphill struggle at times and I?m pretty tired out.  I'm not overly worried about my state of mind ? I know this is just something I have to go through in life and it'll make me a stronger, better person.  Life is just like that sometimes.  Guess I just have to remember to keep making lemonade when it throws lemons at me. 
Dar's family and friends really stuck by me and were nothing short of awesome.  Through work (and of course my ability to attract total randoms into my life!) I made a whole new bunch of friends and the summer flew past.  I spent most of my time off at the lakes or beaches or being 'active' (no just sitting round the pub here!)  Everything from horse-riding in the forest, dancing at bluegrass festivals, surfing in the rain to hiking up mountains or cliff jumping at lakes. 
Am still working as a PA to a govt minister and loving the job although there have been times I've wanted repeatedly bang my face into my computer screen.  They?re sponsoring my application to stay another year here so fingers crossed J Still living with Jess in my nice little apartment, even have some furniture of my own now, no longer sleeping in a cardboard box, exciting times. 
Have had some visitors too.  Ella came for a whole month.  We managed to decimate the alcohol levels in BC and also found time for a surfing trip on the Island (Tofino) and a crazy roadtrip in my little banger of a car, all the way through the Rockies, (incredible scenery in Banff and Jasper National parks) ending up in Calgary for the Stampede (the big annual rodeo) which was hilarious.  Saw lots of cowboys... but no bears.  Good times.   
My old school friend Cazzie and her boyf Simon ended up on my doorstep for a while too It's been good to have people from back home here.  Dad's arriving tomorrow, Mum in 3 weeks and Aleta is coming for Halloween.  Hostel Ruthie is up and running. 
Well, that?s pretty much it. Apart from fracturing my fingers in a freak baseball accident am safe and well, up to mischief as normal, you know, the usual...