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Delicate situations on the home front...

Written on: Friday October 26th, 2007

A journal entry from: On the home front

Many may wonder why we dont go clubbing as much as we used to i.e...its really simple really...both our partners dont have alot of time for us...being busy bees and as such when they have any time off they expect us to drop everything to be with them...

there's actually specific days that steph cant call me and 'crap on about crap' as she likes to put it...

its hard juggling a partner and a BEST friend...we'd know...

especially if you're crazy party animals to begin with...

my hubby is younger than me two years but even he is so over it...

but im not...and neither is steph...

our lives are boring enough without clubbing...yeah we go out and have dinner...shop...do things...everyday there's alot to do...but everything gets old really quickly...when you've got all the resources available to you...the novelty of things wears thin pretty quickly i have to say and we have to find new ways to entertain ourselves...

as much as i dont like to admit it, i understand why there was gladiators back in rome...because it was fresh and the 'will he, wont he die' part always seems to captivate an audience...the only equivalent we have now to the 'will they, wont they' phenomenon is seeing whether or not jim and pam will actually hook up on the office...(eagerly awaiting to see how that unfolds when i get the new dvds)

a far cry i know...

[my mum just walked in on me as i was writing my entry butt naked. who does that (walk in on people not type on the computer naked)? granted my door is wide open and granted she had good reason (to return something) but still...ever heard of knocking?]

nothing gets people's attention like blood or beef...

we'd know...

guys get the luxury of their gfs telling them 'hey go out with the boys' i dont mind...but we dont...its usually followed by sulks, frowns, silent treatment...

always i am the one cooing at their side saying, 'how bout i do this instead [insert some annoying activity i dont want to do]? hmmm...you'd like that right'

its like talking to an 8 yr old asking him if he'd like ice cream after he falls over...he fell over all on his own but because he's crying you have to tend to wounds...

men just never really grow up...

even this morning as my hubby got up to go to work...he hugs me and says, 'we're not intimate enough,' and tries to get my head on his chest, turning to me on the side...even though i just told him i did a number 2 and turning on my side is actually a little uncomfortable and painful for me...but did he listen? no...all because he wants to cuddle...

i am so not a cuddler...although i am chubby and great for cuddling...especially long winter nights...i am as warm as a hot water bottle...

but i feel it intrudes my space...

i like to sleep by myself...on my side...away from my partner..that's me...but i dont know why guys get offended by it...like i care less...

but that is so not the reason...sensitive...guys are so needy...and alot of my friend's partners are like this...

friend: i was about to shower and he pulled me near him and wanted to hug...

me: like groping? foreplay?

friend: no....just standing there hugging...i wasn't even naked...non-sexual hugging...

me: (raise eyebrow and cringe) what a weirdo...

this girl i knew melinda said that women are very needy after sex and very affectionate...this obviously does not apply to me...or really anyone i know for that matter...

see, she describes a situation where after sex the girl is all over the guy, all huggy huggy and the guy is apathetic...

i have never had that...its always me being apathetic saying get off me...but each to their own...

i have a train crush whereby we see each other daily at the train station...and we kind of look at each other out of the corners of each other's eyes...its as though we know each other but we dont actually know each other...he eavesdrops on my conversations and sits near me but we dont speak to each other...

anyway, ive noticed that he likes to be around me more depending on what i wear...

he really likes skirts...not minis...but colourful, frilly, patterned etc

if i look really nice...as in...nicely ensembled...he'll be near me regardless of whether or not i have cleavage...

its so funny and odd...

i will miss him when i move...

i have long resigned to the fact that i will never be with someone who really gets me and can have these mad deep and meaningfuls...

everyone ive dated who took me really seriously have always fallen into the 'simple' category...to them only family, gf, career matter...everything else is trivial...

my most in depth conversation with a guy was with this guy that i met at a friend's party who i dont even know the name of...and we just met, clicked and talked for hours....he had a gf and i was single but there was no chemistry...dont get wrong, i didnt like him and i dont think he liked me...he had a gf...but we just got along...none of my partners or guy friends ever clicked with me as much as this person did...

it raised everyone's eyebrows...even the host of the party had to ask me about it the next day...

but at the end of the night...he just told me he had to go and left...i never saw him again...

sometimes i wonder if he remembers that night...if he felt i really got him...it was only a brief couple of hours...

i remember him because he met his gf on the bus...they had caught it everyday together, strangers...but after a year he decided it was time to approach her...and they got together...

even i knew it was too delicate a situation....

he had a gf and maybe pursuing a friendship like this was too difficult and pointless to him...i mean gfs are meant to be their all...and how was he going to explain this one to her...sometimes you know your life is full but just for one night you want to do something different...talk to someone different...

its so weird...because he has a reputation, according to the host, for being a bit of a jerk and loud mouth but i never thought that...

i must have caught him off guard...

it was because i had one thing which intrigued him...making him believe i wasn't just another simple air head and we launched into all these bizarre completely unpretentious topics...he wasn't trying to impress me with his worldly knowledge like some guys like to do...so pointless...

we were talking about the reasoning behind everything we did...

like he said to me, 'you've revealed so much about yourself in such a short period of time and i've revealed nothing...its because you trust easily'

or because im a big mouth...

i've never had anyone say that to me...

and he dissected my personality within seconds...

he actually saw past all the fronting...

it was just bizarre...

which is odd because all the other men in my life have never been able to see past the surface...

to them i am just a shallow shell...

it was nice for that one night 'to be gotten'

to not have someone try to undermine me or backstab me with the knowledge they had of me...

i think that's why i date simple people...they never intentionally try to do you wrong...its not their aim or goal to hurt you...

and even in remotely understandable circumstances they would never consider hurting you...no matter how angry or upset or disappointed they are over you...

i think the most disappointing of all is believing someone is actually better than they are...

the only people you hurt when you give people the benefit of the doubt is yourself...